Most don’t realize it, but the War
of 1812 was actually quite cool and shaped the US into the nation we know and
love today. We were invaded, some of the
biggest military blunders in American history were made, and the Navy as we
know it was basically created from fishing vessels out of necessity. We basically lost, but we won respect and a
lot of bragging rights. So why, then,
does this war go down in American history without barely a peep? There’s no only semi true popular mythology
to over romanticize the War of 1812 like there is with some other wars (I’m
looking at you, World War II), nor is it really a fun thing to teach high
schoolers since the war itself is confusing and the impetus for war is kind of
boring. So the War of 1812 has gone
quietly into that good night with other wars of significant importance (Korea,
The Spanish American War) to be overshadowed by the ‘cool kids’ of international
conflict (WWII, Vietnam, The Revolution).
Not only is this less than good
for reasons of principle (history is important, it shows us who we are and
where we came from and teaches us what has worked and what hasn’t, in general
terms) but it’s also shitty because a lot of us are missing the moment in early
American history where we proved to the world exactly how bad ass we really
were.
In 1812
the US was young and full of hope and promise.
We had basically created our own governmental system and it was more or
less working (the Civil War hadn’t bitch slapped us into reality quite yet),
not to mention that to create that system we had waged a war for independence
against one of the most powerful empires the planet has ever seen with a bunch
of hick kids from the backwoods (comparatively) and a motley assortment of
Natives (who would come to seriously regret having our back in this one,
FYI). You could say that the US had a serious
case of international little man’s disease at this point in our history. We were proud of kicking Britain’s ass just
thirty some years previous and we were eager to be seen as the independent bad
ass nation that we were, so insults to our national integrity by the British easily
stirred up cries of re‐colonization and re‐absorption back into the British Empire. And fuck all that shit.
My personal
belief as to part of the reason that the War of 1812 is so ignored by modern
Americans is because the specific reasons for going to war are decidedly
unsexy. The predominant reasons were impressment
of American sailors (a disregard of citizenship laws by the British and basic
kidnapping of Americans), the continental system and its impact on American
trade and the British Orders‐In‐Council
(which authorized impressment, amongst other things) and how they basically
made the US Britain’s little bitch.
See? Very unsexy. Very seventh grade boring history teacher
stuff. So let’s try to explain this in a
way that highlights the actual bad‐assery of the US in this
instance. Here we go:
The War
of 1812 can best be described as an international bar fight, Britain was pretty
cocky in its status as the baddest ass on the block (think Samuel L Jackson in
Pulp Fiction), when the US comes in with a chip on its shoulder and a score to
settle. So Britain and her buddy Canada
are chilling in a bar one night (follow me here), Britain is talking shit back
and forth with France because, well, it’s France, when the US walks in. Canada sees the US walk in and realizes that
shit just got real. Canada knows that not
only did Britain kidnap the US’s sailors she had also totally cock blocked the
US with France by not allowing her to trade for seriously no good reason. So the US starts talking shit to Britain,
things like “If you don’t let me and France and the rest of Europe have a
relationship I’m going to stop talking to you” and “If you don’t give me back
my sailors I’m going to kick your ass”.
Britain pretty much gives the US the finger and keeps on fighting with
France, because, well, it’s France.
Also, Britain doesn’t really see the US as being able to inflict that
much damage, she kind of pictured being able to thwart the US by putting a hand
on her forehead and watching her flail. Seeing
that her righteous anger was summarily ignored, the US feels disrespected and gets pissed and declares
war, throwing the first punch….. At Canada.
For
those following the metaphor, yes, we declared war on Britain by trying to
invade Canada. This is a part of
American history a lot of people miss:
WE TRIED TO INVADE CANADA. At
this point in history Canada was still part of the British Empire and wresting
our closest neighbor from the Brits seemed like a really good idea on
paper. This did not go over well for a
lot of reasons: our officers on the
northern front at that time seriously sucked, the British allied themselves with
Natives that were very hostile to the US (can’t imagine why), and, last but
certainly not least, Canada is cold. While
we were invading Canada (sounds absurd, doesn’t it?) we were also battling the
British on the high seas; and we won some serious victories early on, which
made us look like the shit since the British Royal Navy was pretty much the
bully on the playground that was the North Atlantic at this time. These victories are all the more impressive
when you realize that the US didn’t really have much of a Navy at this point in
our history, I’m not joking when I say that we basically threw guns on merchant
ships and fishing vessels and sent these boys on their way with few orders
except “God speed and good luck”, the only thing less manageable were the
privateers we employed (privateers are pretty much state sanctioned pirates,
FYI). The fact that we were able to win
most of the naval battles is nothing to turn your nose at: it was something to
brag about, which we totally did. But
the war turned against us when Britain defeated France and was able to focus
all of her energy on putting us back in our place with a new found imperial
fervor.
We were
repelled from Canada a second time in 1813 and in response the British burned
Buffalo. For those of you from the
Western NY area (such as myself) most of this war took place in our back
yards. Buffalo burned at Black Rock (at
the intersection of Amerst St and Niagara St), Lewiston was under constant
attack from the British and Indians from Canada and the term “slaughter” was
often used to describe the goings on there, and Fort Niagara (you know, the
place with the cool haunted house during Halloween) was actually one of the
most important American fortifications during the war and was occupied by the
British for a time. A few Native insurrections and some more skirmishing later
and the British blockaded the East Coast of the US and all of our ports. They then came ashore to burn Washington DC. The White House that we know and love today
was actually built after that, as the original was burned to the ground during
the invasion of DC. There’s a great
narrative about Dolly Madison saving the portrait of George Washington from the
original White House, after all of her security had fled, and as it burned to
the ground at the hands of the British. If
that doesn’t make you feel patriotic you aren’t allowed to eat apple pie or
watch baseball anymore.
After
the British were repelled from DC by a hurricane and a tornado that hit
simultaneously (you read that right) they then invaded a third time at
Baltimore, however the city was better defended than its previous counter
parts. The Maryland militia put up a
hell of a fight for a bunch of farm kids from the surrounding villages put up
against the most highly trained fighting force in the world at that time. But the tear jerker here is the fact that, to
defend Fort McHenry, the fishermen in Baltimore sunk their own ships so the
British couldn’t get close enough to attack the fort fully. Regardless, the fort was under sustained
attack for over 24 hours, but Baltimore was saved, the National Anthem was
written (the “flag [that] was still there” that the Anthem mentions? That was the flag over Fort McHenry) and
patriotic fervor was incited as Americans celebrated all day long on September 14,
1814 the fact that they weren’t dead or under occupation. Hey, at this point, it was the little things.
Three months later peace was made and Andrew Jackson fought the Battle of New
Orleans a week after that (again, mail was slow in 19th century America),
defeating over 10,000 British regulars with an assortment of 4,000 freed
slaves, farmers, militia men, French creoles that didn’t speak English,
criminals and pirates (yeah, for real, fucking pirates).
The war ended with the Treaty of
Ghent: the US not admitting defeat, but not winning any of its objectives
either. The true moral of the story is
that, with the War of 1812 , the United States established itself as a strong
independent nation, integral to international politics and deserving of
respect. Some historians refer to the
War of 1812 as the “Second War For Independence”, because it was with the War
of 1812 that we cemented our place at the international table and, in short, we
were finally taken seriously by the rest of the world. The spectre of re‐absorption
into the British Empire was pretty much gone after this, and the American
people felt confident enough to start expanding our territory, secure in the
knowledge now that we could, in fact, defend it. We showed that we would fight for the
government and nation we had worked so hard for against any foe: after all, just thirty some years out of
independence we declared an offensive war on the world’s most powerful empire
at the time (and arguably one of the most powerful on the planet, ever) because
they slighted us and infringed on our sovereignty, and then we took that war to
the streets and didn’t lose against the baddest imperial force on the planet at
the time, with a comparatively untrained, unprepared military surviving on sheer
luck and an unbreakable will. Our
international image was secured. We proved
that we could keep government running and keep our citizens’ faith in our
democracy even in the absolute worst of circumstances.
Ballsy little shits, weren’t we?
‘Merica. Fuck
yeah. *cue National Anthem*
*I glossed over a lot here in the interest of brevity since
I know you jerks wouldn’t read anything too comprehensive. For a more detailed and academic break down
of the War of 1812 (which I highly suggest looking into, but, hey, who the hell
am I?) I would point anyone toward The War of 1812: A Forgotten Conflict
by Donald R. Hickey. It’s long (think:
400 plus pages), but if you’re interested it’s definitely worth the read.
