Where Generations Of Incest Will Get You: The War of Spanish Succession

The War of Spanish Succession can best be described as a case study of what happens when a mentally incapacitated monarch dies without an heir and a whiny little shit with a deep hatred for the French is allowed control of an army, and how this can change the world.  

Allow me to explain.

Actual Image of Charles II

On November 1, 1700 the Spanish King Charles II died, leaving behind no heir.  The reason for this was due to Charles’ shortcomings (no pun intended…. This time)—Charles was mentally disabled, physically deformed, and was wracked by epileptic fits.  In eighteenth century Spain, this was often attributed to bewitchment, but today we know that it was actually due to generations of monarchical incest.  See, back in the day it wasn’t unusual for noble bloodlines to try to keep those bloodlines untainted by common blood.  This often translated, for many noble families throughout Europe, Asia, Africa and the Middle East, into incestuous marriages, often between cousins.  For example, Charles’ grandmother was also his aunt.  And his parents were uncle and niece.  The fact that he lived until the age of 35 was miraculous both then and now, considering either the bewitchment or the fact that 25% of his genes were identical.  

So the death of this deformed product of incest that was somehow allowed to run a country at the age of four signaled the end of the Spanish Habsburg Dynasty that had run Spain for generations.  So what’s a hereditary monarchy to do?   Throughout Charles’ reign Spain was in a state of what could be called “turmoil just below the surface not breaking through into civil war for reasons no one is entirely sure about”.  The economy stagnated, the empire was crumbling, domestic improvements were non-existent and, to make matters worse, the French were controlling much of what was happening. 

And we all know that no one liked the French because, well, they’re fucking French. 

So when Charles willed his title and kingdom to the grandson of French King Louis XIV (one of the Bourbon kings-- the one that died from gangrene, not getting his head chopped off), known as Philip Duke of D’Anjou, Europe lost its collective shit.  And when Europe loses its shit, some people gonna die. 

Leopold I, the sitting Holy Roman Emperor, laid claim to the throne under the principle of “fuck the French”, and the fact that he had married into the Spanish royal family at some point.  When this didn’t work he claimed the throne for his son from that marriage who, in all honesty, did have a pretty strong claim.  The rest of Europe tried to forge a compromise by partitioning off some of Spain and trying to appease all the claimants to the throne (there were three in all).  But, when that didn’t work either, because Leo refused to compromise, war became imminent.  On November 24 Louis XIV proclaimed Phil king of Spain and then invaded Spain’s holdings in the Netherlands.  Because French.  Leo rallied the rest of Europe and a Grand Alliance was formed.  This Alliance was more of a coalition of those that weren’t fans of the French, so basically England, the Dutch, and Rome and various others that changed often, like Prussia and Portugal.  Fighting against this alliance was France, Savoy, Bavaria, and Cologne.

Phil was pretty badass in keeping his hold on Spain specifically—he didn’t lose Spain to another European power (yet more proof that letting Bourbon be in control isn’t necessarily always a bad thing.  Now someone go tell my sponsor that).  But elsewhere in Europe the English were kicking ass and taking names. 

Bourbon

In Germany, notably, the English put down an offensive near the city of Blenheim in 1704, and France lost their Italian holdings in 1706 when the English, Dutch and Leo’s army again made them their bitch.  

So what of it? 

The fighting lasted for over a decade until the signing of the Treaty of Utrecht in 1713.  This treaty was multiple documents, and it really settled very little.  The English were the driving force behind the documents and are considered the victors of the war however the French did retain the throne of Spain.  Phil became Philip V, first Bourbon King of Spain on the condition that he give up all claims to the French throne.  This was because of inter-European politics at the time.  France and England were both empires to be feared, but they were feared and distrusted by each other more so than anyone else.  This state of affairs could almost be called the first Cold War because it was similar to the Cold War that would occur between the US and Russia following World War II.  Protestant England constantly feared the power and encroachment of predominantly Catholic France, and vice versa.  So a union of French and Spanish crowns was not something the English looked forward to and thus sought to subvert.  

So why do we care today?

Besides being a pretty cool example of how things that seem relatively small have brought about wars that last years and claim thousands, there are some impacts of the war that still resonate today.  

*Note:  I am not a historian that specializes in European history.  I am a historian that specializes in US history so this will take the form of the consequences for what would become the United States.  The outcomes of this war could and has filled volumes and I do not have the time nor gumption to write about all of them, nor would you guys actually read it if I did.  So this is by no means the exhaustive list of shit that the War of Spanish Succession caused.*

One of the other things the English stipulated in giving the Spanish throne to Phil was that France give over some of her holdings in the New World to the English.  Yunno, to maintain balance and what not.  These holdings were

See all the fucking English?

predominantly those in North America and the Caribbean.  So what this meant was a stronger hold for the British in North America.  The British, now at peace after decades at war with France and her allies (there were wars before the Spanish Succession) were also able to focus now on their colonies and building their empire.  The English thus became heavily involved in the area that we now know as the United States.  This, combined with tensions caused by the Treaty of Utrecht within Europe, would eventually lead to the Seven Years War and its American counterpart, the French and Indian War.  

The French and Indian War would bring North America into international conflict for the first time and the fighting between the French and English would prove fierce.  This then contributed heavily to the culture that we see today in the US and Canada—French holdings near Montreal and Quebec, English influence heavily in New York, New England, and Pennsylvania, heavy French influence near New Orleans.  These are all things that kind of “just are” to us today, but really are direct influences from these wars now centuries past.  

Further, one could argue (have beer handy, though, or Bourbon, because puns) that the Revolutionary War that made the United States a thing was a direct out crop of the French and Indian War and the War of Spanish Succession. 

New Rule:  No more genetically inferior toddlers ruling empires. 

This is by no means an exhaustive report on the War of Spanish Succession, it’s meant to be a brief overview to enlighten you, dear reader.  For further reading I suggest:

The Encyclopedia Britannica write up available at: http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/558207/War-of-the-Spanish-Succession

This article breaking down Charles’ genetic inferiority in scientific terms:  http://scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2009/04/14/how-inbreeding-killed-off-a-line-of-kings/

There is a website entirely dedicated to the War of Spanish Succession, check it out at: http://www.spanishsuccession.nl/

There is also a song called King of Spain.  Which I think is awesome, though it is in no way connected to the War of Spanish Succession in any other way.  You can find it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylaLG-DdT7E